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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28310352">The Great Bulgarian Bake Off</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dorsail/pseuds/Dorsail'>Dorsail</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Half-Life</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cooking, Found Family, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Pre-Half-Life 2, black mesa east</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 15:34:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,804</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28310352</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dorsail/pseuds/Dorsail</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Black Mesa East is getting its feet off the ground, and Alyx knows exactly who to ask to solve their pesky headcrab problem. Of course, things could never be just that simple. What starts out as a business trip ends with the greatest interspecies competition the world had yet seen...<br/>(Written for Half-Life Secret Santa 2020)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Barney Calhoun &amp; Alyx Vance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=biomarker">biomarker</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Alright,” Alyx huffed, her breath fogging in the chilly air. “We made it.”</p><p>With catlike reflexes, she jumped down a stack of crates into the slurry-filled canal below. Barney, who had unflatteringly discovered his first gray hair that month, ambled down the boxes more gingerly. </p><p>Now fully below ground level and out of the wind, Barney wrinkled his nose at the smell of waste. “Have you really been running around in the sewers making friends with strangers?”</p><p>“We met by accident,” Alyx explained. “I needed to lie low at the time... sewers are low.”</p><p>She led him to the nearest tunnel which was decorated on each flank by a pair of headcrabs impaled on pikes. Barney prodded the nearest skewered creature. “Sheesh. You weren’t kidding about this Vort being the real deal.”</p><p>“Oh yeah, Black Mesa East won’t have to worry with an infestation as long as he’s around!”</p><p>They traveled further into the sewer, passing by a few luminescent murals peeking through the Xenian undergrowth. After a myriad of twists and turns, they happened upon a large interior chamber. Corrugated metal sheets and planks of wood spiraled around them; half-architecture, half-art installation. Barney whistled. They approached the focal point at the end of the spiral: a simple door with an antique fire bell by its side. Alyx rang it. A flurry of footsteps grew closer before a privacy shutter slid open, revealing a giant red eye.</p><p>“Ah, the Alyx Vance!” The Vortigaunt unlatched the lock, welcoming his guests into his home. “I have <em>not </em>been expecting you!”</p><p>“Hey Gary,” she greeted. “How are you?”</p><p>“I have been well. There are less sewage leaks than last winter.” The Vortigaunt surveyed the man at Alyx’s side with his three good eyes. “And this is...?”</p><p>“Barney.” The man in question shook the Vortigaunt’s thoracic limb, as was customary. “Nice to meet you, Gary.”</p><p>“It is nice to meet you as well! Come, I have a fire going.” The alien led them to a small fire pit he had been tending, an unfortunate headcrab roasting above it. He turned his meal over, cursing under his breath at the blackened hide. “Do not be shy, sit.” He motioned to the stools surrounding the blaze, occupying one himself. His guests did so, warming their freezing digits by the flames.</p><p>“Now,” Gary spoke, fingers steepled, “what brings you both to my humble abode?”</p><p>“On business, actually!” Alyx explained. “We’ve been constructing this base of operations for the Resistance, but lately we’ve been having trouble reclaiming it from the local Xen wildlife…” She looked grimly at the slowly roasting parasite above the fire. “Namely headcrabs. You were the first person that I thought of to ask for help.”</p><p>“Plus,” Barney chimed in, “it’s a much nicer place to live in than the sewers. It’s just a few miles down the river, in an old hydroelectric plant.”</p><p>“Hmm… I do not know…” Gary spoke gravely, rubbing at his chin. “I choose to be by myself because it is too painful to be with my kin... I would rather be alone with myself, than be alone with others.”</p><p>Alyx frowned, watching the Combine machinery embedded in the alien’s skin glitter in the light of the fire. </p><p>“Well, we only have a few Vortigaunts living there,” she said, then gestured between herself and Barney. “It’s mostly humans. I mean, none of our kind are connected with the Vortessence either.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Barney agreed. “We could commiserate in being… not telepathic or whatever.”</p><p>“Hmm. Perhaps you are right,” Gary mused. “A change of scenery is good from time to time. And you say I may continue to render my trapping services?”</p><p>“As much as you like!” Alyx promised.</p><p>“Then it is a deal!” Gary said, rubbing his hands together. “When shall I depart for this place?”</p><p>“We’ve got a convoy ready next Tuesday on the Underground Railroad, at the crack of dawn,” Alyx explained. “You know where Vitosha Boulevard crosses the canal? There’s a bakery on the corner, just enter it and they’ll show you Station 1. You got that?”</p><p>“Tuesday at dawn! Vitosha Boulevard!” Gary recited. “I have it.”</p><p>With their work finished, Barney and Alyx stood up from the fire.</p><p>“Are you leaving so soon?” Gary asked, shocked. “You have only just arrived!”</p><p>Alyx sheepishly scratched the back of her head.“Well, you aren’t the only person we’re recruiting for the cause.”</p><p>“She’s right,” Barney said, throwing a thumb back towards the door. “We got a bunch more people to invite before sun down.”</p><p>“Oh, but surely you must stay for lunch?” Gary asked, motioning to the partially-cooked headcrab.</p><p>The two humans stood there for a beat, the fire crackling in the silence.</p><p>“Actually, we already ate,” Barney lied, side-eyeing his companion.</p><p>“Oh, yeah, right!” Alyx exclaimed. She slapped her knee. “Shucks! What a bummer.”</p><p>“That is alright!” Gary said, smiling brightly. “I will make the Alyx Vance and the Barney a wonderful dinner when I am settled in my new home! See you then!”</p><p>“That’s… <em>great</em>!” Barney spoke through gritted teeth. “See you then!”</p><p>They departed the same way they came in, traversing the tunnel in complete silence. Once out in the open canal and under the gray sky, Alyx let out a sigh.</p><p>“Well, we solved the infestation problem,” she said, scratching her head.</p><p>Barney didn’t respond, choosing instead to give the canal a thousand yard stare. Snowflakes silently settled in his dark hair, as if conspiring with new gray strands.</p><p>“We can talk ourselves out of it—” Alyx grabbed him, shaking him out of his stupor. “<em>Barney</em>, we can talk ourselves of it! It’s fine.”</p><p>“You better be right, ‘cause I already lost my appetite.” He looked over to the skewered headcrab, watching the flies settle on the decaying flesh. “I’m skipping lunch.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tuesday had come and gone, but the whereabouts of Gary remained unknown to Barney and Alyx. After all, the pair had taken extra care to avoid the vicinity of Black Mesa East as much as possible, taking up scavenging duty. In other words: multiple lengthy shifts of rummaging through the nearest garbage dump. The sun had just set by the time they deposited their boons in the scrapyard and entered the east gate, dusting themselves off before stepping into the decontamination chamber.</p>
<p>“I think I’m losing my sense of smell,” Alyx sighed as the sterile mist sprayed them down, the alcohol less pungent than usual.</p>
<p>“I don’t,” Barney said. “Every time I enter that dump my sinuses are assaulted by that same awful stench.”</p>
<p>Alyx grunted, heaving the door lock open. “And you said we have to do this... <em>how</em> long?”</p>
<p>“Just a week or two,” Barney promised. “Long enough for that Vortigaunt to forget about that homemade dinner he owes us... or make it a faux pas that he took so long.”</p>
<p>The young woman did not seem convinced, making a sour face. She ran her hands up and down her arms, trying to work some heat into her sore muscles. While they were finally out of the cold wind and snow, the secret lab was not exactly a toasty hearth. Power was limited, else the Combine could catch onto their little operation. It was warm enough for their breaths to cease fogging, and for their fingers to not turn blue; no more and no less. If they wanted more heat, they would have to settle for the wood burning stove in the lounge. Normally, just the idea of curling up in front of a fire would have appeased Alyx, but her exhaustion ran too deep, her ire finding a target. </p>
<p>“You could have just<em> told</em> him last week that we weren’t interested,” she grumbled. “You’re the one that agreed to it.”</p>
<p>Barney sighed, rubbing at his forehead. “Listen, we had just recruited him. We couldn’t afford to get on his bad side. It was for the good of the Resistance, Al.”</p>
<p>She rolled her eyes. “Whatever. This all had better be worth it, because I’m dead tired and we <em>both </em>smell like shit.”</p>
<p>She swung the lounge door open, revealing a Vortigaunt nestled comfortably in an armchair at the foot of the stove.</p>
<p>“Greetings!” the alien called out in cheer.</p>
<p>Barney gave a pitiful grin. “Hi... Gary.”</p>
<p>“I was wondering where you both were!” Gary exclaimed, approaching the pair still standing at the threshold. “Thankfully, the Eli Vance told me you were due to return from scavenging duty.”</p>
<p>“Did he now?” Barney shot a irked glance at Alyx. “Well, it’s great to see you here safe and sound. It looks like they even spruced you up a little.”</p>
<p>Indeed they had: the metal bits embedded in his arms had been completely removed, with clean bandages replacing them, and the wires that had dangled freely from his scalp had been trimmed. </p>
<p>“Yes! All Combine components have been dislodged, baring the implants in my brain.” Gary tapped his noggin. “It would be far too damaging to remove them, and I, for one, do not need any more brain damage.”</p>
<p>“Well, it was worth it,” Alyx said. “You look like a new Vortigaunt!”</p>
<p>“Thank you! And I have the most excellent way to celebrate.” Gary paused, waving his hands ecstatically. “To treat the Barney and the Alyx Vance to dinner, as I promised!”</p>
<p>Barney fidgeted on the spot, a gentle laugh escaping him. “Aw, that won’t be necessary! If anything we, uh— we should treat you! I mean, you’re new here and all.”</p>
<p>Gary’s large eye widened, and he looked between the two humans. “But I wish to thank you for finding me a new home… it is customary!”</p>
<p>“Well, we just uh—”</p>
<p>“Look, Gary,” Alyx interrupted. “The truth is we don’t want to eat that nasty stuff from Xen.”</p>
<p>Barney made a face, like he was going to scold her, but eventually he just nodded sadly. “Yeah... she’s right.”</p>
<p>“What is this?” Gary asked, scorned. “You scoff at nature’s bounty, but not the sludge the Combine scatters at your feet?”</p>
<p>“I mean,” Alyx said, fumbling for words, “I’m not a fan of rations either, but—”</p>
<p>“But nothing!” Gary reproached. He stared at them severely, his red gaze piercing. “Eat from the hand that annihilated the Home World? Pah! I’d rather consume feces.”</p>
<p>Alyx grimaced a bit. “You know, comments like that are why we’re a little hesitant about your cooking.”</p>
<p>“Look Gary,” Barney said, placing a hand on the Vortigaunt’s shoulder. “I’m willing to bet that if you just dressed up the rations a bit, they would be ten times better than whatever parasitic life forms you’re eating.”</p>
<p>Gary’s scowl dropped and his eyes twinkled. “Ahh. So you are proposing a wager?”</p>
<p>“Hmm!” Barney pursed his lips in thought, then shrugged. “Yeah, why not! Our Combine rations against whatever Xenian crap you’re making.”</p>
<p>“Barney, come on,” Alyx hissed. “He just got here!”</p>
<p>The man wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “And Alyx will be my sous chef.”</p>
<p>“<em>What?!</em>”</p>
<p>Gary nodded. “I will allow it. What are your terms?”</p>
<p>“Let’s see…” Barney mused. “How about if I win, you take over my laundry duty for a month.”</p>
<p>Gary clapped his hands together. “Yes! And if <em>I </em>win you must… you must set up the rest of my headcrab traps for me!”</p>
<p>“That sounds good to me!” Barney turned to Alyx, giving her a wry smile. “How hard could it be?”</p>
<p>“<em>I can’t believe this is happening,</em>” she muttered under her breath.</p>
<p>The Vortiguant held up a claw. “The rules shall be simple: whoever makes the best meal wins. I must cook using only Xenian resources, and you must cook using only Combine resources.”</p>
<p>“Now hold on,” Barney objected, crossing his arms. “We only have a handful of ration varieties. You at least have to let us use some old Earth ingredients, too.”</p>
<p>“Fair point,” Gary admitted. “But only if I am allowed to peruse the garden as well. I must admit I have wanted to try some of the local delicacies in my cooking, such as the <em>carrot</em>.”</p>
<p>“Can we at least do this nonsense tomorrow?” Alyx asked them, rubbing at her eyes. “I’m <em>exhausted</em>... and really need a shower.”</p>
<p>Barney tenderly massaged at the kink in his back, remembering his own fatigue. “Yeah, good point.”</p>
<p>“Then the competition shall be held tomorrow evening!” Gary declared. “Fair enough, I need some time to prepare my meal.”</p>
<p>Barney held out his palm. “So… do we have a deal?”</p>
<p>Gary smiled, shaking his hand with all three of his limbs. “Yes! You are, as they say, on!”</p>
<p>With the bet placed, the two humans departed and began their trek to the showers, considering the fireplace was occupied by their well-intentioned alien friend. It was deathly silent in the compound, with just their footsteps as company, as if the quietude was begging them to contemplate their rash decision.</p>
<p>Alyx shook her head, voicing the question that had remained unasked: “What have you gotten us into?”</p>
<p>“Me? You’re the one that wanted to be honest with him,” Barney reminded. “Anyway, it’s fine. If there was no possible way to talk ourselves out of eating headcrab, we might as well make it interesting.”</p>
<p>“I guess it beats your original idea of rifling through garbage,” she admitted. “When was the last time you cooked, anyway?”</p>
<p>“Uhh, let’s see.” Barney halted his pace, frowning. “I… I don’t actually remember.”</p>
<p>Alyx took a deep breath, closing her eyes and attempting to retain what was left of her sanity. “Well, then… I guess it <em>will</em> be interesting.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Running multiple garbage shifts in a row allowed Alyx a free day off, a rare treat as Black Mesa East continued to build its infrastructure from the ground up. Having time to herself usually meant either a play session with or maintenance work on Dog (though the latter usually devolved into the former anyway). As great a distraction as it was, time ploughed on, as it was wont to do, and before long it was already late afternoon. She finished tightening the last bolt on her robot companion.</p><p>“I heard old world dogs used to eat unwanted scraps from their masters,” she said, wiping her greasy hands on a rag. “Too bad you can’t do that.”</p><p>Dog beeped, shaking his head.</p><p>“Oh, even you’re wary of eating headcrab, huh?”</p><p>With Dog now snoozing in the scrapyard, Alyx made her way to the kitchen with equal parts trepidation and curiosity stirring in her gut. Upon entering she spotted Barney assembling a menagerie of utensils and bowls, but there was no Vortigaunt in sight.</p><p>“Hey, Alyx!” Barney greeted. “You’re just in time.”</p><p>“Where’s Gary?”</p><p>“Finished with his meal, I guess.” Barney jerked a thumb to the pot on the stove. “Already stewing away.”</p><p>She took a whiff of the air. “Well, it doesn’t smell <em>that</em> bad.”</p><p>“Yeah, he put some Earth spices in it, but I don’t think that will drown out the taste of headcrab and wall slime, no matter how much he put in. Luckily, we just have to mask good ol’ <em>water flavor</em>.” Barney slapped the stack of rations on the table.</p><p>“<em>Goodie</em>. Have you decided what we’re going to cook?”</p><p>“Yep!” Barney pointed to a vintage cookbook on the countertop. “Good old-fashioned meatloaf. Or I guess new-fashioned. You get the idea.”</p><p>She rubbed her hands together. “Got any orders for your sous chef?”</p><p>“Let’s see,” he mused. “How about I get all the ingredients in the kitchen and you run out back to the garden for the rest.”</p><p>Alyx did so, returning with an onion in one hand and a bulb of garlic in the other. Barney already had an assortment of spices arranged before him. She juggled the onion one-handed. “You really think it’s gonna taste like <em>meat</em>, though?”</p><p>“We’ll just drown it in sauces!” He motioned to the bottles on the countertop. “Look, we got soy, ketchup, worcestershire.”</p><p>Alyx glanced over at the cookbook. “<em>Xлеб</em>… that’s bread, right? I don’t think we have that.”</p><p>“Oats work just as fine,” Barney assured. “Hell, this recipe calls for whole boiled eggs in there. I’ve never even <em>heard</em> of that. Meatloaf was different all across the world, I suppose. But I’m gonna do American style. This is just for measurements.”</p><p>“If you insist,” Alyx said, not fully convinced. “What should I start with?”</p><p>“Go ahead and peel and chop the onion and garlic.”</p><p>While she worked with the produce, Barney methodically sliced open the packaged rations, spilling the grey sludge into a large bowl.</p><p>“Barney…” Alyx sniffled. “I think I’m allergic to onions.”</p><p>He looked over to her, where she chopped away with beet red eyes and tears streaming down her face.</p><p>“Ha!” he laughed, then shook his head. “No, you’re good. That’s the normal reaction to them.”</p><p>“What the hell!” she exclaimed. “This was a trick, wasn’t it? Why didn’t you let <em>me </em>do the rations?”</p><p>Barney raised a hand, swearing. “Honest-to-God, I forgot you would probably not know about that. Think of it as your chef rite of passage.”</p><p>She hesitantly prodded the other tuber on the chopping board. “Garlic doesn’t spew toxic fumes either, does it?”</p><p>“No, you’re fine,” he promised, squeezing the last bit of ration sludge into the bowl.</p><p>She held up a piece of garlic. “So one of these things is a clove?”</p><p>“Yeah, just mince that up and the rest—” Barney gestured to the spoons before him “—is just measuring.”</p><p>Alyx pursed her lips as she watched him pour some salt in a teaspoon. “A lot of it is just math, huh?”</p><p>“You’re right,” Barney laughed, “which, admittedly, I’m no good at. But a lot of it is going by intuition and experience, and I’ve got that in spades.”</p><p>“Experience?” Alyx asked, a cheeky smile on her face. “Is that what they call gray hairs now?”</p><p>“Aw jeez, you saw those?” He raked a hand through his hair. “I swear I plucked them all.”</p><p>“Don’t worry about it Barney, it looks good on you.”</p><p>With all the ingredients added to the bowl, Barney stepped away from his work, gesturing for Alyx to step in. “OK, now it’s time for the fun part. Go ahead and mix it together with your hands.”</p><p>A little bit reluctantly, Alyx plunged her hands into the lump. “Oh, it feels so gross.”</p><p>“No, it’s the <em>fun</em> part!”</p><p>“It’s fun <em>and</em> gross.”</p><p>Barney laughed, then shook his head. “Man, I can’t remember the last time I’ve cooked anything besides frying an egg or boiling some beans.”</p><p>“Me either,” Alyx said over the sound of the squelching mass. “Did you cook a lot before the Combine?”</p><p>“Not really,” he admitted. “My mom did all the cooking when I was a kid. Ate a bunch of mac and cheese and pizza rolls in college. Settled for the cafeteria food in Black Mesa…”</p><p>Alyx grimaced. “Ugh, do you remember how bad the salads were?”</p><p>“Well, as a newly independent twenty-something, salads weren’t my first choice by a long shot. But I tried one once when they ran out of ribs… tasted like dirt.”</p><p>Alyx shuddered at the thought. “I hardly remember <em>anything</em> about Black Mesa, and yet I can’t forget the horrible salad bar. But my mom wanted me to eat my greens…”</p><p>Barney raised a brow. “So you’re saying we should put some peas and carrots in here?”</p><p>“God, no. Just settle for the onions.”</p><p>“Well, either way, I think it’s mixed up enough.”</p><p>Nodding, Alyx raised her hands from the bowl, both of them fully covered in brown sludge. “Barney… this looks like literal shit.”</p><p>He narrowed his eyes at her. “Yeah, and so does chocolate. You’d think it’d look more appetizing if it was still gray?”</p><p>While she washed her hands, he poured the mixture into a pan, spreading it out evenly. Finally, they topped the loaf with the sauce mixture.</p><p>Barney clapped his hands together. “And now all that is left is to cook it!” With extra care he took the glass pan and placed it on the middle rack of the hot oven, setting the time for fifty-five minutes.</p><p>Alyx peered into the window as the food baked, tapping her chin. “Now this… this reminds me of chemistry.”</p><p>“Well now you’ve got me all worried again,” Barney laughed uneasily. “I’m no good at that either.”</p><p>“Don’t worry, it’s not like it's possible to make these rations any worse than they already are.”</p><p>“Fair point, Al.”</p><p>With the hard part over, they shot the shit while they cleaned up and their faux meatloaf baked. As the last few seconds ticked down on the clock, Gary came in to give his stew a final stir. At the toll of the timer he waved his wooden spoon in the air. “Let the judging commence!”</p><p>They dressed a table in the empty cafeteria, a plate and bowl for each contestant. Barney went first, cutting a piece of the meatloaf for everyone.</p><p>He gestured grandly at the pan full of baked rations. “Here’s our carefully prepared meal: Combine ration meatloaf! No actual meat, though... maybe. I personally don’t know what’s in the Combine rations, but I doubt it’s vegan. Anyway, the base is water flavored rations and oats, an egg to hold it together, plus onions and a helluva lot of salt, pepper, garlic, parsley, and sauce. Dig in.”</p><p>Not quite used to human utensils, Gary slowly tore off a bite-sized piece with his fork and brought it to his mouth. “Hmm… A marked improvement. I can hardly taste the water flavor.”</p><p>“Yeah, Barney,” Alyx agreed. “It actually tastes <em>way</em> better than the rations.”</p><p>The man sheepishly ruffled his hair. “Well, the bar<em> is</em> low.”</p><p>Gary took another bite. “I have to admit it is not so bad to consume these when there is a genuine, loving hand behind them. A transformation, indeed.”</p><p>“Perhaps we could start our own Combine Ration cookbook, Barney!” Alyx said. “Make these things more palatable for people. Do experiments.”</p><p>“Yeah, you’re right! Maybe cooking is a science I could get behind after all.”</p><p>“Now, it is time for you to have my meal.” Gary poured them each a helping of his crimson soup. “This is <em>galnum</em>. The stew has a variety of the most common spores. It was an easily made meal on Xen. I also utilized the onion and carrot, and Earth spices. The headcrab is a luxury ingredient. Often easier to gather in those days, than to hunt. Please, enjoy. ”</p><p>“Well, here goes nothing,” Barney grunted, taking a spoonful with a chunk of headcrab.</p><p>Alyx did the same, having to shut her eyes to settle her stomach. However odd the texture was, there was no ignoring the flavor: flaky and salty meat, savory broth, fresh herbs; all together a more hearty and delectable sensation than anything had graced her taste buds in a long, long time.</p><p>“I…” she stammered. “I haven’t eaten food like this in… <em>years</em>.”</p><p>“Oh my<em> God</em>…” Barney choked out.</p><p>Alyx looked over him where he sat with his head down, fingers entwined and shielding his face.</p><p>“Barney…” she asked. “Are you... crying?”</p><p>“Only a little!”</p><p>Gary watched them, his gaze intent. “So... it is serviceable?”</p><p>“Yes!” they cried out in unison.</p><p>“Does that mean I have won the contest?”</p><p>Barney threw his hands up in defeat. “Man, my work doesn’t even hold a candle to yours!”</p><p>“Geez, Gary!” Alyx exclaimed. “I thought you were a hobbyist, not a damn professional.”</p><p>If Vortigaunts could blush, Gary surely would be doing so. “You honor me. In all honesty, I have not cooked for others in years. I first learned the importance of a good meal on Xen. Food was one of the few things that was our own business, and not our master’s.”</p><p>Barney was already wolfing down the rest of the stew. “Well, regardless,” he spoke around the food in his mouth, “you beat us fair and square.”</p><p>Gary nodded gravely. “Your effort is still noble. I understand that not all will have the same ethical qualms as myself. Not every meal must be grand. In times like these.. sometimes all you need a meal to be is... enjoyable.”</p><p>Soon enough, all their bowls had been emptied, and even their meatloaves devoured. Gary rose from his chair, taking the pot of soup with him to the kitchen. “This indeed has been a wondrous and memorable dinner. Now, I must retire to my chambers, for this effort has expended all my energy. I expect you both to be there in the morning to set up my traps, as per our agreement. Good night!”</p><p>As soon as the Vortigaunt exited the cafeteria, Barney snuck over and pressed his ear to the door.</p><p>“What are you doing?” Alyx whispered, joining him.</p><p>When the kitchen quieted, Barney stuck his head in. “All clear.”</p><p>Alyx followed him to the fridge. “I still don’t know what we’re doing.”</p><p>“C’mon, you’re gonna let something <em>this</em> good sit in here and become leftovers?” He retrieved the pot from the refrigerator, a sly grin on his face. “Everyone should be in the cafeteria for dinner soon. Tell them rations are off the menu tonight!”</p><hr/><p>The knock on the door awoke Gary from his ruminations. It was perhaps his first time having company since he arrived in Black Mesa East, choosing to inhabit an old office at the far end of the compound isolated from the dormitories. He could convince himself all he wanted it was for easy access, as this part of the power plant was still overrun with Xen flora and fauna— but it would also be a force of habit. He ambled to the door, throwing it open to reveal his old competitors from yesterday evening.</p><p>“Ah, the Alyx Vance and the Barney!” Gary welcomed, beckoning them. “Good morning! Come in, come in. I have all the traps ready for you!”</p><p>“Hold on now,” Barney chuckled. “We have something to show you.” He presented a white cloth to the Vortigaunt.</p><p>“What is this?” Gary asked, taking the item into his claws with a bit of wariness.</p><p>“A chef hat,” Barney said. “Last night we handed out your soup to as many people as we could, and they all loved it! The thing is, Black Mesa East doesn’t exactly have a Head Chef at this point in time. That is... unless you were willing to accept the position.”</p><p>Gary’s eye widened, his bewildered gaze flicking back and forth between his friends. “Of— of course!” he stammered, placing the chef hat on his head. “It is an absolute honor!”</p><p>“Congratulations, Gary!” Alyx cheered.</p><p>Overwhelmed with emotion, the Vortigaunt threw his arms around the two humans, enveloping them in a hug. After overcoming their initial shock, they returned the gesture, patting him on his green-skinned back. Before long, Alyx felt a cold wetness seep into her clothing. She looked down to see a viscous fluid leaking from the Vortigaunt’s central eye, soaking both of her and Barney’s shirts.</p><p>“Hey, now,” Barney assured, adding a few more pats for good measure. “It’s alright!”</p><p>“I apologize for the volume of my ocular secretions,” Gary sniffled, breaking the hug and rubbing the fluid away on his arm. “I just— I have not known such happiness since…” He peered down and touched the branding on his chest. Before Barney or Alyx could offer any condolences, Gary shook his head, steeling himself.</p><p>“There are preparations to be had!” he announced, squeezing out the door and into the hallway. “I must procure a feast in time for the winter solstice, and perhaps for the New Year. There is much I must ask the gardeners and—”</p><p>Gary paused, retreading his steps back to the doorway. He nodded to his companions.</p><p>“I forget myself. First, I must thank the Alyx Vance and the Barney. Through you, I have found my salvation. Yes, I may be alone in my head, but communion is not limited to thoughts and words. A meal is an action that transcends language. The act of providing sustenance is a promise to a future, a celebration of the present, and an acknowledgement of labor long past. It says ‘I am willing to work just to see you flourish, and I want you to stay in this world with me.’ Yes, this shall suffice… this shall suffice.”</p><p>And with that, the Vortigaunt left, leaving them behind so they could do his dirty work of capturing the next batch of unlucky headcrabs.</p><p>“Well, I guess we had better start,” Alyx said, approaching the stack of collapsed cages. “These traps won’t set up themselves.”</p><p>She heard a soft sniffle and turned to see Barney wiping at his eyes.</p><p>“Are you crying <em>again</em>?” Alyx asked, an amused smile spreading across her face. “Wow, you’ve got it bad lately, Barn.”</p><p>“Shut up, Al,” he quipped, bumping her shoulder affectionately. “It’s the holidays.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Glad I could get this finished in time for the New Year! Happy Holidays!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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